Goodbye Mr. Turkey, Hello St. Claus

Twas the day aft’ Thanksgiving, and all were quite full.
“Wake me & I’ll kill you” was the golden rule.
Outside was cold & all covered in slush,
Yes, the time was right for the “Black Friday” rush.

The crazies were poised with their lists & their carts,
And the stores were so busy with mean old farts.
Waving fingers, screaming curses, and all of that crap,
I thought for sure that someone would snap.

But the Christmas rush started long before this,
Seeing elves right after goblins—something’s amiss.
With Halloween candy just starting to rot…
Where’s the holiday that the Pilgrims begot?

Hear those damn carols on the radio?
Look outside—it hasn’t begun to snow.
Or why can’t anyone ever remember,
Christmas songs shouldn’t start the First of November.

I saw a little old driver, so sickly and meek,
He must not have eaten at all this past week.
If he knew of the taters, the turkey, the gravy,
His driving wouldn’t be so harried, so wavy.

“Move over, outta the way, let’s go!” he cried.
He’s so impatient… and starving inside.
Hunger overcame him from his head to his feet,
He needs a nice, juicy turkey—that “magical” meat.

It has the power to bring about sleep,
And make you feel happy when sitting to eat.
Or to make people fight and knock off a dish
When breaking the bone and making a wish.

It’s a shame Christmas dinner is never this jolly,
Instead of obsessing of presents and holly.
No one cares any more ’bout that fat little bird,
They care only of presents & that fat jolly turd.

He eats all the cookies & drinks all the dairy
No wonder he’s always that fat and so merry.
Why not try yummy yams or some pumpkin pie?
‘Cause if he ate anymore, perhaps he would die.

So we’ve exchanged a day of eating fat & grease
For a day centered around a man who’s obese.
And instead of eating food with all of its joys
We’ve resigned ourselves to buying these toys.

And what about that baby who was born in a stable?
Well, he’s acknowledged once a year in a show on cable.
Christmas is about money, and presents, and things,
We’ve forgotten the true gift that that baby brings.

We buy and we buy, then we buy some more,
We’re out every week, and we go store to store.
We care about family, but not fellow man.
Who cares if they’re hungry, they ruin our plan:

To buy what we want without conscience or shame
And give the best gift to honor our name.
Why celebrate a day set aside to give thanks
When we can go out and buy toy dollies & tanks.

Next time when you’re out to buy something new,
Stop and think what you’re going to do.
Search deep in your heart and do give some pause
Before saying “goodbye” Mr. Turkey, and “hello” St. Claus.